Feedback on Second Draft of Treatment

Criticism

-The flow of the story is repetitive

-We shouldnt do the same thing over and over again

-Stay away from repeating what goes on

-Show what the  main character has overcome

-We havent properly developed our idea

Improvements/good points-

-Story goes on for 2days

-Flows well

-Talk to the boy we are making the film about

-Get ideas of not being confident

-Phone rings, he replies "not coming out"

-Friend knocking at his door/frightend to get out of bed/knock at the door and noone comes out

-Seems rushed/jumped points

-Show more of a lack of confidence

-Maybe scared to get out of bed?

-We need to set it up properly

-Steer clear of the stereotypical bullying theme

-Put yourself in his position

-Be more creative!!!

-Make it more realistic

-Make more of a fuss over the boy

-Make much more of a fuss of the girl he saved.